You: Up to speed. In brief:
After showing my outta-town friends what the Jersey Shore is really like, I tumbled down some stairs and broke my finger.
I maintain that the culprit was the extreme lack of light by which that staircase may have been seen.
NYU threw us a graduation fete. The best way to say, “Congratulations on completing your master’s program!” is really to dole out oodles of free wine, and that they did. My mom got drunk and wrote “Viagra” on a white board–we have no idea why: