Water, Water Everywhere And Not A Drop To Drink

I believe I last left you with heckling my shaper (Ian Wright) and “going for it.” Luckily, both of those things have to do with my yesterday.

After trying (and failing) to be the perfect, patient board commissioner, my shaper (yes, that’s right, Stuart) called me on Thursday and said, more or less, “Jesus, woman, you can come and get it tomorrow. Sheesh.” So the next day, I drove through LA county traffic in August heat to get my penguin. This is a rough facsimile of the conversation that ensued… edited for brevity. And stuff.

C: It has my name on it!

I: Well, yeah, it’s a custom board. If I ordered a custom board and it didn’t have my name on it, I’d be pissed.

C: I didn’t even think about it.

I: That is why your hair color is blonde.

C: I really am sorry if I was a pain in the ass, I didn’t mean to rush you…

I: [Straight-faced. Probably kidding. I think.] You were a real pain in the ass, actually. I was starting to get pissed. I called everyone at SURFER and told them so.

C: Well, anyway, it really is beautiful. [Gazing, starry-eyed at the gleaming white glass.]

I: You’re not gonna sleep with it, are ya?

C: Maybe. Here’s what was left in my bank account.

I: Thanks.

C: Hasta la vista, baby!

I: Ciao.

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